Who would have thought....

Who would have thought that I would end up in this place?  Not me.  I was hit today by thoughts of my birthday party one year ago this weekend.  I was so happy to be turning 40- and I really do mean that.  Happy that I had made it.   And now I look back and reflect on everything that has transpired over the past year and how is it that I have done more during this past year with cancer than I did in any of my other years?  Or is it just that I am doing my life a different way- with purpose and treasuring all of the steps along the way...

The celebration of my birthday this year was a strange day.  I learned at 6:30 AM that they were testing my father in Florida for kidney cancer.    Luckily, by the end of the day we found out that he did not have cancer.  I had a really difficult time processing this information. It wasn't that I was worried about his mortality, but that he had to deal with those internal moments of not knowing and letting your mind wander to some crazy places.  It wasn't that I did not understand how to navigate the cancer universe to get the best care, rather that it would be out of my control.  It became crystal clear to me that it cannot be easy being on the other side of the coin when you deal with a loved one with cancer.  I literally said aloud to my husband, Terry, "How do people get through loving someone with cancer?"  Anyone who knows Terry can probably imagine the look on his face that screamed "duh!?!"  Of course he knows- that has been his life and the life of many people in my life over the past year.  Wow!  I realized this week what it must be like and how much I appreciate all of you that have stayed in my life during such a hard time. Let me just try to express my thanks to each of you through a poem I wrote. 

I never knew

How hard it was when you were blue

I never guessed

that you were trying your best

not to let the hurt show

as you watched during the high and the low

I never saw

your quiet moments of anguish and awe

I didn't feel

the worry with which you had to deal.

you cared for me

and knew when to let me be

I will always try

to cherish you for the days that went by

I will love you more

because you touched me at the core

by your caring ways

during my darkest days

I will be there for you

For all of your days you wander through

I will try to feel your pain

to ease the burden of the rain

for in my heart I know that your heart is always near

because you have been a friend to me- that is clear

It became abundantly clear how important the work of Little Pink Houses of Hope is because we will be addressing what the whole family is going through.  We will be helping each person who struggles with dealing with this on a daily basis by reconnecting families and trying to remove some of the daily burdens, financial struggles, and create an environment where they can celebrate being together.  Thank you for your support of Little Pink and of me.  Love ya!